Friday, September 12, 2014

Feelings Are Something I Wish To Not Feel

If you know me, you know I have depression ... the hereditary kind. Most of the time you wouldn't know it, for I smile on a regular basis and crack stupid jokes often (too often for my own good). If you know me, you also my know that I am "genderfluid" and lesbian. Coming out to my friends and family was easy, they love me and except me and everything like that, but only my good friends know I am genderqueer. It is hard to tell people about that, the fact that they may feel awkward to be around me or hate me because of it. It hurts every minute of every day.

I just have to keep smiling

And no one knows about it unless I trust them. No one knows why I dress the way I do or have my hair so short unless I tell them why. No one knows why I feel so uncomfortable in dresses and skirts and makeup unless they ask why ...

I cannot tell a lie unless I need to

And the depression gets worse and worse every day of my life.

To the point where I cry more than I should

It hurts ... so much ... and I am afraid

I know I shouldn't be

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