A Poem by Madeline Ciardi

I'm bulletproof:

You can't hit me too hard from afar.

But the sting of words are heard from afar 

In my heart.

I hear the whispers.

 I've seen the rumors float about the room like lost clouds.

I've felt the sting of gossip all about me like rain that 's too acidic, or bees that are too mean,

Cuz' the majority of those floating gloats are taunts 

Meant to hurt me, to hit me hard from afar.

Trying to make me desperate for my life,

So I'll raise my white flag from afar.

The sharp whip of your words 

Are like lashes from a sword.

You hit me less than half as much as you should like,

And it hurts less than half as much you think I deserve.

But who are you to deal out worth?

What makes you the judge of gets served or who serves?

If you had your way, I'd be in the mental institution

And the rest of the world would be in a de-evolution

As life gets so low, we're no longer humane.

Though we're still humanoid, all that remains 

Is a crusty shell of a silhouette,

That shows just are far we fell from being perfect,

The very perfect you tried to create, as you

Marinated the world in crazy,

Glazed it in immorality,

And topped it off with the poison of your thoughts.

This is far from humanity. This is far from perfect.

Don't Expect Us To Be Your Perfect

So many people tell you it is easy to be an adolescent.

It is incredibly difficult

Okay, so you do not have the pressures of paying bills or making ends meet, but I would take that over being a kid any day.

We have social pressures to derail us from being ourselves, the ever constant nagging of "children should be seen and not heard", the tugging from our hearts to do what we know we need as apposed to what our parents, schools, and country want from us.

You have no idea how confusing it is

We are not your perfect and we will never be. Let us be us, please. I must admit, I agree that not all of us can make logical decisions (myself included), but that does not mean you must beat your ideal perfect into us.

Leave us be for a little while

Get To Know Me

I believe in inter connectivity. The kind where we have an intimate relationship through words solely written and not entirely spoken. Here are 25 random questions that I found so we can connect better.

Question 1: Do you have any pets? I have a Doberman named Roxie
Question 2: Name three things that are physically close to you?  My phone, my shirt, my banjo
Question 3: What’s the weather like right now? 91 Degrees, cloudless
Questions 4: Do you drive ? If so, have you crashed? I cannot drive yet
Question 5: What time did you wake up this morning? 6:04
Question 6: When was the last time you showered? This morning
Question 7: What was the last movie that you saw? I believe it was 12 Years a Slave
Question 8: What does you last text message say? "Dude, did I tell you I got some semi-sorrosive chemicals on my arm today?"
Question 9: What is your ringtone? "Im Bringing Sexy Back" by Justin Timberlake
Question 10: Have you ever been to a different country? Nope, stuck in America
Question 11: Do you like sushi? Very much so
Question 12: Where do you buy your groceries? Pretty sure Target
Question 13: Have you ever taken any medication to help you fall asleep faster? I take Melatonen regularly
Question 14: How many siblings do you have? I have a younger sister
Question 15: Do you have a desktop computer or a laptop? Both, but I primarily use my laptop
Question 16: How old will you be turning on your next birthday? 16!!!
Question 17: Do you wear contacts or glasses? I wear glasses
Question 18: Do you colour your hair? Yes, mostly fuchsia
Question 19: Tell me something you are planing to do today: Sleeping
Question 20: When was the last time you cried? About five hours ag0
Question 21: What is your perfect pizza topping? Goat cheese and sauteed onions
Question 22: Which do you prefer, hamburger or cheeseburger? Cheeseburger
Question 23: Have you ever had an all-nighter? I have had more than I should
Question 24: What is your eye colour? Very very blue
Question 25: Can you taste the difference between Pepsi and Coke? Yes, however I don't drink soda

I Know Its Not Much, But I Love You (a poem for the worst of times)

I know it's not much, but I love you

I care for you and for what you do

And it hurts me every time I hear you say

"I can't do it anymore."

I said that too, so very long ago

"I can't do it. I hurts too much."

But you helped me, you got me through it.

And I will do the same.

I am here, I will listen, shut your eyes and cry with me.

I know its not much, but I love you

Feelings Are Something I Wish To Not Feel

If you know me, you know I have depression ... the hereditary kind. Most of the time you wouldn't know it, for I smile on a regular basis and crack stupid jokes often (too often for my own good). If you know me, you also my know that I am "genderfluid" and lesbian. Coming out to my friends and family was easy, they love me and except me and everything like that, but only my good friends know I am genderqueer. It is hard to tell people about that, the fact that they may feel awkward to be around me or hate me because of it. It hurts every minute of every day.

I just have to keep smiling

And no one knows about it unless I trust them. No one knows why I dress the way I do or have my hair so short unless I tell them why. No one knows why I feel so uncomfortable in dresses and skirts and makeup unless they ask why ...

I cannot tell a lie unless I need to

And the depression gets worse and worse every day of my life.

To the point where I cry more than I should

It hurts ... so much ... and I am afraid

I know I shouldn't be